Suspension
by nanu107
Summary: The days of Balthazar Blake as a normal human being.  Set immediately after To Have and To Hold.


**Suspension**

Prompt 096: (And title) Suspension

_The days of Balthazar Blake as a normal human being._

_**Day 4**_

It felt like been suspended in the middle of nothingness.

No light, nor darkness, could reach him here. There was calm, utter and unconceivable calm.

Balthazar hated it.

Dave and Veronica had long gone to bed, and although he tried to sleep Balthazar was much too tormented with his own emotions to actually settle down for five minutes. So not to bother his sleeping wife he'd gotten up and had sat down on his favorite recliner, marveling at the softness of the cushions. No words or presence could heal him right now, not even his beloved's words could reach him. No, nothing could.

Such long life, all build around the marvels and worries of magic and now he'd lost it.

He'd lost the most precious thing Merlin ever gave him, the only thing he'd managed not to loose through the ages, through the battles. And he'd lost many things, regained few; but this? Never in his wildest musings or his deepest nightmares had he thought he would lose his ring and be magic-less. He wasn't sure what to do now; of course he'd teach Dave that there were no shortcuts in magic, but once you grew and became a master you learned to make spells to simplify your life. And now… He had nothing to simplify his. His car wouldn't start without that little wave of his hand, nor would he be able to train Dave -

Balthazar was afraid. And it wasn't because he was now a vulnerable target to Horvath or any other Morganian, if anything they would be making him a favor, ending his now miserable existence, but he was afraid for the others. He was afraid of been unable to protect Veronica or Dave, even Becky.

He couldn't protect them. At least not anymore. He was useless, like back on that time when he was small and his father had just walked out the door because he was a freak, most like his dead mother, and his infant sister…

"Balthazar!" Cried Veronica, holding her husband's face with both hands "It's alright, I'm here." She kissed him, trying to sooth him, but Balthazar's eyes closed and as she finished the token of affection he lowered his face, closing his eyes. He was shaking, he wasn't sure if it was shame or anger, but there it was. He was probably crying too, he couldn't tell now. His body had probably gone into shock for a while now. Veronica spoke to him softly, almost a murmur, as she picked the injured hand and started to bandage it again.

Balthazar's been doing that a lot lately, just uncovering his injuries without even noticing. Balthazar turned away from the soft caresses and closed his eyes. "What is it?"

"Nothing."

Veronica leaned towards him, hand already taken care of, and kissed his temple before murmuring; "You are a terrible liar, my lord."

Again his eyes closed, but he didn't say anything else.

_**Day 9**_

It wasn't the first time she'd seen him doing it.

And apparently it wasn't the first time he'd done it either. Balthazar dropped his sight to his hands, taking a deep breath, and continued to try and make things fit into place without magic. Veronica, from the safe hiding place behind the cashier, saw his disappointment, his hurt and anger, but said nothing and pretended to continue working when he turned to see if she'd seen. She pretended to be turning at that moment, gave him a big smile, and then returned to work, suddenly feeling miserable about it. She was his wife, suppose to be his support; but she couldn't bring herself to try and ease his pain away, mainly because it would be like bragging. After all _Oh, well, don't worry honey I'll do magic for you _didn't sound too good to her either.

Balthazar flexed his fingers, still bandaged but already healed enough and stared at his wedding band. It was the only piece of jewelry he'd wear now. He caressed the soft item, the simple wedding band, and somehow felt comforted by the simple item.

"I think I need a nap." He said, mostly to himself, making Veronica turn to look at him.

"Then go take one, I'll finish up here and call you when dinner's ready." Balthazar turned to her, about to complain but then remembered that Dave was taking his individual studies today. He frowned a bit, and without another word just walked up the stairs. He never stopped caressing his ring as he went.

_**Day 13**_

"Beloved?"

Balthazar had been sitting in his studio for a few hours now, so when he emerged, looking a little thoughtful and with messy hair, Veronica couldn't help but to let out a laugh. "yes my love?"

Balthazar sat on his recliner and asked her to come closer, when she did, touching his hair, he pulled her waist down and forced her to sit over his thighs. He kissed her softly and Veronica delved in the touch, glad he was as loving as ever.

"I must ask something of you." He said, after finishing his kiss, looking a little regretful.

"What?" She worried, frowning a little. His tone held no amusement or sweetness. It was full of seriousness and a little regret.

"May I ask of you to track down Horvath, and recover Dave's ring?" The request was strange, but understandable, they had tried to get the ring off Horvath's cane but the man had been quick to cast the spell on Balthazar and vanish. Some helpers, including Marie and Jonas, believed him to still be in New York City, and Veronica had no doubt of it. "It is very important for Dave to have his ring, beloved, you know this."

"I do, but why me? Can't you…?"

"Not without a ring, it would be too dangerous. Haven't you said so yourself?" Sneaky; he was using her own words against herself. Veronica kissed him and took a deep breath afterwards.

"Only if you promise not to do anything reckless."

"I- I'll try, beloved, I'll try."

_**Day 17**_

Again he felt like he was floating.

He felt suspended in the middle of space, with silence and order around him. Balthazar was starting to believe that was all that was left of his life, and although he did tried to help Dave as best as he could, only with demonstrations did the boy seemed to learn. Balthazar had teach at several universities, he'd given theorems, calculus, history, even complex algebraic equations and algorithms that were sometimes endless. His mathematical side was as good as Dave's; starving for numbers and theorems. But for a while now they had been harder to grasp, harder to remember.

Harder to follow and solve.

Balthazar knew it was only a matter of time; he was loosing it and bad. Trapped in his house, only leaving when Veronica or Dave could escort him, as if he were some sort of great leader that needed protecting. Maybe he didn't posses magic, but he did posses the knowledge to take care of himself physically. He'd been holding back, and it was only a matter of time before he snapped against one of them.

Dave suggested he got a hobby.

_**Day 23**_

He'd done it.

He'd just gotten up and snapped at all three of them and then stormed out.

Literally stormed out to the street and walked away from the house, unafraid that Horvath or any other Morganian could find him and kill him. Right now it didn't matter, and they would probably be doing him a favor. His long strides took him to Central Park, where he sat on a bench for hours before noticing no mugger would take his changes with him. Then he just stood and walked aimlessly through the city, at some point just arriving at the top of the Chrysler building, and sitting over one of the eagles. It was already dark, so he just basked on the windy chills that hit him from time to time. Several doves sat beside him, not afraid, and one even snuggled on his shoulder.

"Hey, I remember you." He murmured softly, remembering it to be the one he'd bandage when he met Dave for the second time, and caressed the bird's neck. It gave a happy gurgle and resumed its rest against his neck.

"What's with sorcerers and heights?"

Eventually, Balthazar knew, one of them would have come looking for him. If not all three of them; he'd expected it to be Veronica but not there was Dave walking quietly towards him, daring to join him in his impromptu chair. The boy complained about the cold, sticking his hands into his sweater's pockets and took in the view.

"New York is a beautiful city during autumn." Was all Balthazar could comment, looking up and away from his apprentice.

_**Day 30**_

In only one month.

"The scans reveal that several parts of the brain that had been active are now shutting down." Said the doctor, turning on the light behind the scans he'd undergone. Balthazar looked at the images, aware that at some point he had learned to read them, but now unable to really remember.

"Shutting down? As in _dying_?"

"No, just going dormant. Here, look." The doctor lifted a special marker and pointed a particular picture of the dozens the scanner had taken. "The blue part is the active parts of the brain, the last time you check in with us was after recently loosing your ring, remember?"

"Yes, a week after it."

"In this scan the blue is more intense, specifically here." He rounded a part of the brain, then scanned the other pictures and found the same one. "A month later all activity in that side of the brain has stopped. It's gone dormant."

"How do you know it's gone just dormant?" Asked Balthazar, turning to look at the doctor, feeling a little enraged.

"It sometimes happens to apprentices after they give up their rings, or when they loose their masters and are forced to take off their rings. The space they had used for their training time goes dormant."

"Can it be reactivated?"

"If you get a new ring, of course." The doctor moved to sit back on his desk, as Balthazar stared at the images. "Meanwhile it can prove to be inconvenient."

"Why?"

"Well until you find a new ring you'll notice some memory loss, probably will be unable some capacity of doing some things. I don't really know how it would affect you, Balthazar; you have lived longer than any other sorcerer I've scanned. I could probably tell you that it could be like an Alzheimer patient."

"So now I'll start trembling too?"

"No, but you'll forget chunks of your life, day by day. And I don't guarantee that it'll just stop when the usual 10% of the brain is reached."

"What?"

"It can be degenerative. Probably even fatal if you don't get a ring soon."

"So I can loose memory of all I've lived, done, and known." Concluded Balthazar, before turning back to the images.

"Yes, but it's only theory."

Deep in his gut, Balthazar knew it was the truth.

One whole month and he was already losing himself.

_**Day 37**_

The light hurt his eyes.

Thinking hurt his brain.

Hangovers had never been forgiving, and Balthazar knew, that the one he suffered now was getting back at him for ignoring booze (in large quantities) for a thousand years. The man groaned, moaned, and then sighed, finally he opened his eyes. He wasn't home, instead he was at Dave's apartment, dropped on the dingy couch his apprentice absolutely refused of throwing out because it was old, and covered with a blue sheet that was too short for his long legs.

The oddest part was that he was barefoot. And he noticed only because he had to ground himself to keep the room from spinning.

"What did I do last night?" The voice could have been Balthazar's, really, but it was Dave's voice who asked that, making Balthazar lift to a sitting position and wonder why the sun was so bright. Dave noticed him and was about to ask something when Balthazar stopped him.

"My head is pounding."

"I'll get us some Tylenol."

"Forget it; I'll just drop dead so it ends here." Balthazar dropped back to the couch, placing a pillow over his face. A few feet away, from under the thick rug Benet's body lifted, with a loud groan.

"Why are you guys been so noisy?"

"Orange juice." Said Dave, handing it to Balthazar, who lifted his hand to hold the cold glass, realizing it was almost frozen and lifting the pillow to place it over his head. It felt really good to do so. "Pills?"

"No thanks."

"Why is the room spinning?" asked Benet, as Balthazar sat up, throwing his feet on the cold floor (what felt good also), and wiggling his toes. Dave sat beside Balthazar, sipping his own juice and taking his pills.

"You've got to ground yourself." Said Balthazar, closing his eyes and pressing the glass to his temple.

"It's not working."

"Then try lifting your feet."

Benet just fell back to the floor, covering up with the rug again. "I wanna die." Said the man on the floor, as Dave nodded.

"What did we do last night?"

"I have no idea." Answered Balthazar finally taking a sip of his glass.

"We _**participated**_!" was Benet's reply.

_**Day 40**_

_Hope at last._


End file.
